Is It Me or HD?

Recently, I have had to ask myself that question, so much of me is changing and I can't stop it nor can  I grasp hold and hang on and things will get better, no not this time, things will only get worse. Oh my head hurts, legs jerk, drop things all the time, fall for no reason, have bruises and don't know why. I can no longer keep check book, do chores, cook very little, can't finish reading a book and to top it all off I am so confused about all this and what to do. But people don't understand this HD stuff we look normal on the outside but if only they could be on the inside they would see a disease slowly damaging our brain in such a way it's like a thief that comes to kill, steal and destroy us. It does not care who we are and it destroys the person we thought we were to an emotionless shell of a being. I have never experienced so many relationship problems has I have in the past few years and all the time I thought it was them and not me, how wrong I've been and it is still happening it's like HD as no love it's cold and deliberate and it's raging a war against the people who love and care for us. This is not me, :( I don't want to say things to hurt you or make you feel that I don't love you or care for you or to run away from you because I can't reason things out like you. Can't you please understand that HD took over me some time ago and it's not Saundra the one you remember, she is being altered every moment, every breath I breath is taken away slowly by this horrific disease called HD. When I look at my momma I see me and this disease eating away at her and now me. I can't think of anything nice I can say about HD. I am so sad right now and it is testing my faith to the core. I want to overcome I want to win this battle, but the facts are in and it's HD it's genetic and my whole family is at risk. Did you get that a whole family, my family. It just doesn't stop with one it wants us all and it goes on and on until there's no one left. I remember Me, I know deep down who I truly was. Now who am I? This is scary for me, almost like a night mare full of terror. How hard to deal with mom and I and now my child you say at risk, NOOOOOOOOOOO I just can't accept this and my future grand children. Somebody please hit rewind and take me back to the good ole day where I was happy and carefree the place that the memories are made from the real ME. When I was diagnosed with cancer I thought that was the ultimate battle but I was wrong again it's HD the one that wants to kill me in the end. I know this sounds so raw and it is but it is what's churning inside of me. So please bare with me through this horrible disease.

Comments

[Dana Hann (My Neice)]

Help us fight for hd, it is a horrible disease for anyone to have to deal with , as of now my family and I are dealing with this disease with my Grandmother and Aunt Sony we would like people to talk to about the effects of this monster.
Thanks

[Beth Marshall (My Daughter)]

I know that this blog is going to help people who suffer from this disease or people who are close to someone with this disease.

I just pray that God will reach out and touch my family right now in this time of need and I am going to do everything I can to help keep our spirits up. I know this is a terrible and most difficult thing but I feel that with prayer and constant support from each other we can grow closer as a family and just be there for each other in this time of need, especially my mom and Grandma. I can't imagine what you two are going through right now but I do know that I can be there for you and love you more than you'll ever know. Mom you are my best friend and when times get tough I will be there with God by my side to help you through.
I love you more than words can say.

Beth or as mom would say (Bessie) :)

[Tina]

Saundra, I see you as a strong, confident woman. You have helped me through so many down times as my step daughter has fought this cancer. I want you to know that I truly appreciate all you words, helpful suggestions and prayers. You are in our prayers as well. Tina

[Tina]

Saundra, I love the new picture you posted. You look great. T

[Taybaby(Niece)]

Hey Sony
Going through all this has made me a better person.So for all the people that look at this site need to pray for our family.Because Hd is not funny.So please help us in this hard time.Im right by your side forever.

Love ya,
Tay

[Jeri]

Saundra,

You are a fighter and if you keep your faith you can fight through this! I have had a lot of bad things happen in my life and at times it seems unbearable but with the Lord in my heart I can over come anything! Call me if you need to talk, I have a good hear and a firm shoulder.

God Bless!

Jerie Fluchel