Iowa Trip (Tammie's Death)

Ricky and I was so excited to get to return to Clinton, Iowa and see our friends we had not seen in several years. Our long time friends Larry and Linda was moving to Florida and needed help and we jumped at the chance to go so we could see all our friends. We arrive on Monday and arrive at Larry and Linda's where we helped out and left to get our hotel and ate supper with their family. I had been anxious all day knowing tonight I was going to surprise my best girl friend. I had been searching for and had not been able to get into contact with her to let her know we were coming so it was even more exciting knowing how surprised she would be when she opened the door and there I stood. Longing all day to see her and there was no way I was going to wait another day to see her my expections where on a high and I was out of patience already. I went looking for her parents home and finally found it but to me it looked like no one was at home, so I decided to go to Moe's place the place we met and worked the beginning of our friendship. When we arrived we went inside we ask to talk to Moe and the workers said he was in the city with his son and I asked if they knew Tammie and they said a slow yes we think so but if your talking about the girl that used to work here she passed away. Let me say right here thank God no one was in the restaurant at this time, I lost it and my excited emotions turned to great grief and shock. I wanted this to be a dream not reality so now I said No you must be wrong and Moe was finally reached by phone and on the other end I could barely hold the phone and ask and his confirmation was more than I could bare right here in the very place I met my best girl friend, is the very place I receive the news of her death. She is gone no longer with us this is unbelievable and heart retching. I am now searching for her brothers to find her son only to find that her mom passed in Dec, 2006 from breast cancer. The last I knew she had made it through her treatment and things looked well for her too. I knew I had to talk to Brian her son, I have to hear it from him that this is real. Imagine him consoling me instead of me consoling him, now I learn the real fate of my friend and how he tried to find me  for her and how I learn how life events kept me from being with my best friend. We have lived in the same place for over 14 years and had the same numbers for many years the numbers Tammie had both had been changed my cell phone was changed due to the death of my nephew Dylan who we had put the number on missing posters and I had gotten some prank calls so we decided to change it for safety reasons and then in July 2006 we move into our new home and our home number changes and at the same time my friend receives a diagnosis of breast cancer retuning and nothing they can do for her. She is looking for me and I for her as the number I had for her no longer worked and that is the reason I felt she had moved but I knew without a doubt that was still all okay because I would be able to find her through other means. So never did I feel that I would not be with my best friend all week and just be us, best friends and love we shared for each other we were like family not friends. She had come to visit me when I was fighting for my own life and I was not the same at that time and that so saddens me now when you are so sick changes are inevitable. Even more why I was so excited to see her again because more of me had returned but now I would have to let her know what HD was doing to me and now I am even more convinced that HD had changed me so much that I was always in contact with her and then a gap came and that was not us and life has thrown us a curve. I am so distraught over the lose of Tammie it has taken me days to write on the blog. HD does change us and slowly it makes us remember things in different order as to how things really are my family is constantly correcting me dates and events and how they took place and this is what I am saying today that HD has a hold on me. I (Saundra) can dig deep to grasp hold of my memories and try to remember my life has it was and not how HD wants me too. I feel like a puppet a third person in a way in this disease and I am so sad about all this and how this turned out for me and Tammie whom I loved and respected and always wanted more and more missing her so much that it had built a higher expectation to see her that the news of her death deeply shaken my entire being the inner most part of me my soul. We were to stay all week that was the plan Ricky to help move and I to find Jeremiah's grave who was the first son of my late brother (Ricky) and to finally have peace and take pictures home for the family. I am on a mission to find all my brothers children to let them know about HD so we can fight and be closer and that our family is with them and here for them and that we love them and need them and pray for them to have peace and love and hope and faith through this life no matter what it brings upon us we are family and we want all our family to know we are with them always. My brothers oldest Joshua lives in IL and I got to visit and talk to him and his family about HD and most of all to let him know he is loved and we are here for him just call on us when he needs us.  I could not stay all week I became exhausted from the lose of my friend we returned home.

Comments

[Barb]

Saundra, i am so sorry about your friend Tammie. I read this a couple days ago, and i know i should have posted then, but for a lack of words i couldn't, but please know i've been praying for you. So absolutely shocking for you the way it happened, i am so sorry. She sounds like she was a wonderful friend. Love and hugs, Barb

[Bro. Chris]

to my sister from God's word there was a man in the bible who's name was Jabez this man was named this by his own mother because in birth he cause her to have much pain. So you can just call him a pain O.K., now Jabez Prayer can be found in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 when you look in God's word that is the only place you can find it know where else in the word of God can this be found, this is that Scripture and if you pray the prayer that Jabez prayed well here is the prayer. And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory that your hand would be with me And that you would keep me from evil that I may not cause no pain SO GOD GRANTED HIM WHAT HE REQUESTED.

1 please bless me indeed 2 please enlarge my territory 3 please put your hand on me 4 please keep me from evil.

my prayer is that the God I serve will bless you in this the prayer of Jabez, that he will bless you with more than enough, that He will enlarge you in away you never thought He could, that He will put His healing hand on you and that the evil will be gone.

Your Brother In Christ Our Lord
Chris M.

[Callie Foshe]

Saundra,

I am SO sorry to hear about your friend, Tammie. Life's timing can seem so cruel at times. I wish you could have seen her one last time, but know that she is smiling down on you from above, watching over you and your family. I sure hope that the good Lord gives you swift peace in your time of sorrow. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please take care.

Your Red Cross Buddy,
Callie Foshe