Now that I think about it I've felt different all my life the way I handled things and the way I felt deep inside. I wondered why all the time I would feel the way I did and how upset and hurt I was over the relationship with mom and now the profound effects of it all deep inside of me.
I am struggling with my own daughter understanding that HD is real it is now and present and has been all my life and has profoundly changed my life to the degree it was never normal. It seemed everyday growing up we were under fire with mom for some reason or another and never knowing why until now that we all know that HD was in control and driving our momma to do things she would never of done if it was not in her don't you get this folks HD is in those of us from birth and active from birth by the time you see it, it has already been destroying our life with this little quirk or abnormal behavior those that are not subtle the ones you say now why did he or she do that and at that moment you must look back and see that is how powerful HD is in our lives those of us that live with it and suffer because OMG if you can see it you've forgotten what we deep inside is living with and feeling. I lived my life in turmoil for years thinking my mom didn't love me and hated me and I truly thought I was not worthy of her love I had to have done something for her to hate me so, when emotions and feelings are involved and no human reasoning can analyze a lifetime of misplaced love nothing in the world can make it happy and all full of love again each little piece takes away little bit more love and more until your either numb or dead.
I don't like the looking glass I don't like seeing and feeling those same emotions with my mom with my own daughter now I pissed off now I'm mad now if I could kill HD I would and if I could change I would this moment this lifetime but I can't change it and I can't make it any prettier than it is because the real truth is it gets worse day by day moment by moment breath by breath. You get to go through life and be happy really happy and able to have understanding has to why your up or downs peak up and down. Sadly for us with HD has no control and no true understanding just that what we are experiencing is beyond our own understanding as well as yours.
So love those with HD for who you know them to be deep in spirit and not from the surface. I didn't like looking in the glass to find it was I now going though what I grew up with but that is OK now because now I can look past the past with mom and love her as a mother should be honored and loved just as we all should be.
I've decided no icing on the cake is going to help me and my family through just the brutal truth HD is out to destroy us and it is going to make you hate me and think how could she just look in the glass with me and you'll never ask it again.
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