I cry daily remembering me and how I'm losing the battle of HD. Not a moment goes by do I not know how great the effects of this disease has a hold of me. I wanted to go to school to be a Nurse but there is no way I can pass the tests needed, I've tried to get my GED and I just can't get passed the tests.
I cry for my grandchildren that won't know who I really am or was and more than that I cry for me. I just feel sad and very alone. I am not coping very well with this it has taken a toll on me to know my fate. I really thought I could beat it and I really think somehow I will give it my best shot. Just not right now and I have to let right now take it's toll and try to find peace somehow. I so get tired of trying to be bigger and stronger and so on and so forth. I've lost so many parts of me and maybe you think otherwise this disease is so good looking on the outside it 'll make you think that those of us suffering or quite normal. LOL Now that is why we have the disease and you don't and why you can't understand the deep regret we feel about losing our very own life right before our very own eyes. Think about this if I transported you into the future right now this very moment and you could see the good the bad and so on you would want to change all things that you didn't like but for those of us with HD we don't get the option to change nothing it is what it is and our future is already in place and all moves have been moved and adjusted and is HD.
Don't cry for me, I am not looking for sorrow from you only for you to have a greater understanding of what we are living every moment of every day. Just listen and just be my friend no matter what I say or do or how I look or how I am today.
I watch my momma so lonely so misunderstood by her friends, what friends she has only her girls that love her enough to see her through her battle of this deadly disease. I love my momma and it hurts me to see her own family and friends stay away because it's better for who her ( don't you know my momma cries too) yes she does, more than anyone momma knows her past but can't understand her present situation anymore than she can.
I have a voice right now and I intend to be heard and I am not going to icing the cake for you or anyone it is what it is a battle we are in the FIGHT FOR OUR LIVES.
How about you what is your live like today?
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